The life-healing power of Sacred Intimacy
As a highly sensitive, moon-in-Scorpio gal I have craved intimacy my entire life. You could even say I’ve been chasing it, but rarely catching it.
I’m talking about the seeing-deeply-into-your-soul kind of intimacy that you have with someone who truly gets you. Or at least aspires to get you in a fundamentally compassionate, open-hearted way.
I was raised by well-meaning but heartbroken folks who, like the whole entire world at that time, didn’t understand what a highly sensitive, empathic kid needed to feel seen, heard and intrinsically safe.
I got the message that I was way too sensitive; in essence, that there was something wrong with me.
So I did what kids do. I got lost inside myself as a way to protect my tender heart. But it seemed like nobody noticed I was gone. Nobody came to find me.
I carried this wound and this hide-and-please-seek-me coping strategy for decades. In fact, there are new layers that I’m excavating still.
For this is the true healing journey, a spiral that continues so long as we are willing to bring compassion and consciousness to the deep and sacred work of knowing and honoring ALL of our Self.
This, in fact, is Sacred Intimacy.
The unflinching, courageous act of looking deeply into the mirror of your soul, or the soul of another.
It is the greatest gift you could ever offer to yourself or another.
In my own Sacred Intimacy practices, I have been looking courageously at how this wound and a lifelong unmet need for intimacy manifested in codependency, people pleasing and loss of connection to my authentic soul Self.
It has not been easy to see how I unconsciously contributed to the mess in my now-dead-marriage, chose emotionally unavailable partners and how I abandoned myself again and again along the way, ensuring that the intimacy I craved was always just out of reach.
The way through has been a deep Holding and Expansion practice of being with my pain and my lost parts, calling them back, letting them know that someone, finally, realized they were gone and wants them to come home.
I know that a great many of us, in fact probably the majority of folks raised in the west, suffer similar relational wounds.
Our culture does not understand or prioritize attunement and intergenerational trauma perpetuates relational wounds like no other. Add in addiction and a Puritan-inspired workaholism and you have the perfect recipe for an entire nation of walking wounded.
This past Sunday I hosted my Sacred Sundays healing circle on Sacred Relationships.
This is an event in my very special, deeply intimate online women’s circle called the Sacred Sanctuary. And in our recent meeting, I shared about the influence the sacral energy center has on our relationship with absolutely everything and everyone.
The sacral center (or chakra) is the lens through which we seek to control our environment, create loving psychological boundaries for ourselves, and provides a survival instinct for moving through the world. It’s how we create safety.
The primary fears associated with the sacral center are loss of control or power, betrayal, financial loss, isolation and abandonment.
When balanced, the sacral center offers the ability and tenacity to physically and financially survive on your own and take risks. It offers resilience in the face of great loss, including loss of loved ones, health, wealth, occupation and even identity.
It’s been a year since my husband walked out of our relationship unexpectedly. And in this time, every sacral fear has been activated within me, thrusting me into a deep, painful and necessary round of Sacred Intimacy with myself. (And if you are wondering, yes, I work with my own trauma-informed, psycho-spiritual coaches, healers and therapists.)
My willingness and ability to be vulnerable and honest in this Sacred Sundays healing circle about my own struggles with codependency and fears of inadequacy in my marriage created the beautiful opening for those present to open up about deeply impactful aspects of their most important relationships.
We held one of the most open-hearted, conscious conversations about the messiness and magic of relationships that I’ve ever had the privilege of being part of.
Sacred Intimacy truly is humbling, life-altering and life-affirming work. In fact, it is THE path to leading a self-actualized, present, purposeful, connected life.
I closed our meeting Sunday with a sacral energy center healing activation and if this resonates with you, I invite you into your own abridged version now:
Place a hand on your heart and one on your lower belly.
Feel your breath move into your heart and if comfy, allow your breath to expand your belly.
Using breath and awareness, connect your heart space with your sacral womb space.
On your inhale, breathe compassion into your heart space.
On your exhale, allow compassion to fill your whole torso, down to your sacral center, even to your root.
If it feels juicy, go ahead and remind yourself that you are SAFE.
Stay with this cycling of sacral-heart energy as long as it serves you.
If you’d like to know more about what we do in my online membership for women, The Sacred Sanctuary, please reach out. The group is intentionally kept small but I do have a few open seats available at this time.
Here’s to you feeling safe and connected enough to see deeply into the mirror of your own soul. And to let someone else see you and be seen by you.
P.S. If, like me, you crave emotional intimacy and you sense a shared spiritual practice among like-hearted, grounded, loving women will support and nourish your journey to self-knowingness and a purposeful life, ask me about the Sacred Sanctuary membership for women. The group is intentionally kept small to provide safety and true connection but I have a few spots open. Please reach out to see if it’s a good fit. <3